The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize