3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
