We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
