In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
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