i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
