Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
