Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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