yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just had sex on a roof
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
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