toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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