batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
