O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
