Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
