Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize