Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Boobs speak an international language.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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