Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
