I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
