I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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