i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
