Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize