What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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