Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
i need some magic done to my vagina
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
