There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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