yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
