I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
