Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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