Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
