Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I understand Curling. That high.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
