So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
