If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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