just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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