Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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