I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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