I wish i was in the wii world.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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