Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
