worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize