so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
