awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
