so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
