On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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