Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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