guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
