Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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