I just pynch a tree in the face
I cannot find my penis.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
