Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Randomize
