if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
this just has baby written all over it
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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