So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize