Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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