I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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