eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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