last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize