allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
time to smoke my breakfast
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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