it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Vodka?
Forever.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Randomize
