Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
