This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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