chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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