I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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