saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
