he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize