Non-Jews are for practice
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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