Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
it's great music for shaving your balls
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
