Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize