I feel like I'm in dance class right now
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
