it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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