Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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