If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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