I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
