don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
