please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
