exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
