If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
