Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
