4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
