Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
