Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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