We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
There r osticjed everywhere
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
