Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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