I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You don't make any sense
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