Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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