Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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