There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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