I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
