the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
