I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
my sisters under your porch take her home
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
