My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
