if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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