just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
