Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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