I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
