My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
