I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
