My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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