Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
