We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
