It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize