Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
