im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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