drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Houston, we have a blender
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
