nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
