A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize