Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize