OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
